Bits 'n' Bobs.

I caught this right before switching t’monitor off.

Let’s break this down into stages, shall we?:

So uh…why not ask the cute, clearly gay librarian out?

The clue is in the descriptor dear Lawyer Cat. Said cute librarian happens not only to be cute, but also clearly sociable [he works in a library, and seems to always be smiling - that’s either indicative of being super social, or a serial killer. I’m opting to chose the former as it’s hotter] and at the risk of putting my people back 20 years is clearly a bottom. Conclusion? Said cute librarian could have his pick of blokes. Besides, there’s a Gay Bookclub type thingy that runs at said library. No doubt the poor lamb has enough hassle getting hit on by those sad cunts…

I on the otherhand. Have close to zero social skills. What skills I can fake are woefully rusty and in desperate need of refining / dusting off. I’ve got a head the size of a football [or soccer ball, if you insist] that sits atop a neck barely supported by shoulders that are rounding, due to my obscenely bad posture. Which then leads to a body filled with stretch marks [from when I was fat] and surgical scars that are so fucking hideous, should by some miracle I ever manage to find a bloke with sufficiently low enough standards to even begin to entertain the notion of getting “jiggy with it” who ISN’T clinicaly insane, I’d need to not only break every lightbulb in the room andapply light blocking paper to every window frame but insist on keeping a shirt on, during the process.

Then I’d rock his world. Naturally.

I mean I’m sure he won’t mind that you support kindles which are CLEARLY out to kill his job, right?

The sad thing is, whilst I can quite easily “whip up a frenzy” in my head, the closest that’ll happen in real life, would involve a Kindle. Only it wouldn’t be a frenzy of awesomeness, more me trying to fight for my life against 10 librarians [i said branch - ‘tis a big main branch, after all] who all want to strangle me.

Believe me - I’ve uttered the “K word” at said library before. Dirty looks were given. Fortunately the cutie with the tight trousers wasn’t around at the time, or else I’d never be able to return.

So I suppose if I were [were?!?] to get desperate I could run in there waving said Kindle and wait for the frenzied reaction.

And there’s all sorts of library-related euphemisms I can come up with for that. :P

Less time thinking up dirty euphemisms, more time studying Mr!

:)